What I Really Wanted to Be

We all make compromises in life. We all change directions, and do the things we need to do to benefit the ones we love, but honestly, how much is too much?

Most people don't know much about me, however most people don't really bother to take the time. I have a lot of talent in some areas.

Until about a year ago, I never had any desire to become a teacher. What I really wanted to do was open up my own little shop with furniture, art, and clothes. I like to paint, and I like to play with photography. If someone were to hand me a photograph I could turn it into an amazing painting. I have a quite a few skills with woodworking, and I can build almost anything. I like to reupholster and repair old furniture, and make it unique and new again. I also love designing clothes. I have a very unique fashion sense. When I was in high school I was a trend setter. I'd come to school with something kind of funky and new, and within a week there were atleast a dozen people copying me.

But it takes money to make money, and money is something I don't have a lot of. Not that my little dream shop would have made a ton of money, but it would have been something that I would have loved to do.

Raising and supporting a family costs money. So, I went to school in pursuit of a degree to get a job that would pay enough to support a family. You know, a decent house, 2 cars that run, money for a vacation once a year, and enough to put in the bank in case of an emergency.

I thought hey, I'm good with numbers, maybe I'll be an accountant. Got into some accounting classes and found that it wasn't for me at all. I thought maybe I'll try an arts degree, but jobs are hard to come by with that type of degree. So I decided to become a teacher. This way I'll be able to work with children, and pass on some of my own talents and interests.

So a compromise it is, from what I once dreamed of doing, to settling into something I won't hate but will support my family.

One Week Down

Well, it certainly has been an interesting week.

I'm one week through my 5 week block semester, and I've got 4 more to go. It's funny to think the midterm is next Monday. But, I'm really liking the professor I have for my students with exceptionalities class. There were two things he initially said that made me like him. 1st: He was telling us about when he used to be an elementary teacher. He was in a meeting and he was pushing for funding and programs for the "Gifted and Talented" students, and the principal said something along the lines that she thought all students should be treated as if they're gifted and talented. He piped up and said that was like saying we should treat all students like they're mentally retarded. The second thing he said was to be patient with unruly children. It's not like parents keep their good children locked up at home and are sending their bad children to school, they're sending their best. So this class has been good so far, other than the being up at a quarter to six in the morning.

I had some of my what seems to be quarterly bad dreams again. Where my husband just turns harsh and cold, which is the exact opposite of his character. I know they're just dreams but they just rattle my cage so harshly that I don't quite feel myself for days. Not that that's any different from any other day lately.

But anyway, I found some leveled readers online, and have been working on the level 'aa' books with my son. He's all ready got the first five books down. He's going to be my little reader. He's such a smart little kid. 

I really wish I could get him into kindergarten this fall, but Utah has some dumb law that prohibits children under the age of 5 from starting kindergarten, yet kindergarten is not required in this state. So dumb.

The cat is acting oddly paranoid today. But other than that I guess it's just another day.

Very Tired

Today has been a very long, and tiring day. It was the first day of my 5 week summer block class that starts at 7 am, which means I have to be up by 5:45am so I can leave by 6:30am. I have not been up this early in years. I did not get much sleep last night for various reasons, ex., too hot, couldn't get comfortable, the animals kept being obnoxious, husband kept snoring, etc. I was okay until noon, and then I had to take a nap. I slept for about 3 hours and had to get up. My body is screaming at me. I am painfully tired, and would love nothing more than to just sleep until tomorrow morning, however being home with a four year old makes that impossible, and bedtime isn't for another few hours. I hope my internal clock adjusts, and so does my body, or the next 5 weeks are going to be miserable. 
In other news, I have been working on Dolch's list of sight words that every child "should" know before entering Kindergarten. There are 3 words my son is struggling with out of the 40. I think that's pretty amazing considering he hasn't even started pre-school yet.
Anyhow, back to the rest of this painfully exhausting day.

One of those days.

Well today is one of those days when I wish I could just hire a maid to do all the housework for me. I love my husband and son, but those two are the biggest slobs ever. Well.. Maybe not the biggest slobs ever, but still, you get the idea.
I'm a full week into summer semester and just loathing the idea of school during the summer, but at least it's the last summer I will have to take classes. I really wish I was done with school. I wish that I had started right out of high school. But I did everything backwards. I had a kid, got married, and then decided to go to college. Oh well, no changing it now.
I wish I had at least decided on the correct major to begin with. I started off with accounting, thinking that would make the big bucks, but that was boring, then I decided to try an arts degree, but who am I kidding? What kind of a job am I going to get with an arts degree that I will enjoy? So here I am trying to finish up my pre-requisites to get into the education program. If I would have started off on that path I'd only have 3 semesters left of school instead of 5. 
I really want to quit smoking too. But here's the thing. I know I should quit, I know it's bad for my health, I know it's disgusting, I know it's expensive, and I want to quit, but at the same time, I don't want to. I know that probably doesn't make any sense, but whatever.  
I wish I could find some sort of motivation to light the fire under my ass so that I could get the things done that I need to do to get what and where I want in life. 
Well back to the housework.